I may not be the best basketball player. Or the best volleyball player. Not even that person with a genius I.Q., but I do pride myself on being A) a good friend B) a friendly person and C) a good student. Every quarter I come home with a report card containing mostly with A's and one or two B's. Math and Chemistry are definitely not my strong suit, but I make do and usually put forth a good effort in them. I do my homework, study for tests and rarely cheat on assignments. I like knowing that I earn my good grades and I like that although I may make a silly and stupid comment on occasion, I will always have my grades to back me up when I need to remind my peers of my "smarts"!
Education is also a big thing in my family. My father is a defense attorney who has his own firm, my mother is a respected banker and the first in her family to attend college, and my Dad's father (Grandad to me! :D) was the President of a private college in Nebraska prior to his retirement. I think it is safe to say that it is these people who make me want to excel in school and it is definitely their genes that help me to do so. Minus my father and his strange but understandable track obsession, my family puts more emphasis on educational achievements than on the physical. (Thank god for that. I can NOT dribble. Its painful to watch.) One of my mom's biggest things was that she wanted me to be involved in NHS and I was also really excited about being a part of it as well! Not only would it look good on college applications, but it would also give me a chance to help out in the community and make a difference. It is a double win I thought!
I submitted my application and excitedly waited for the choosing process to be final so that I could get started! I felt like I was a shoe in and pretty much everyone else had told me I was too! To be honest, I assumed I would get in and wasn't all that worried. I even let a friend at the time open what I thought was my acceptance letter. I WAS SO SO SO WRONG. I had been rejected and would not become a member of my high school's chapter of NHS that year. I was crushed on the inside. I tried so hard to act like it wasn't a big deal but I later excused myself to the bathroom and had a quick cry.
Not only was I disappointed in myself, I was also really worried what my mother said. I was so scared she would be upset with me. I didn't think I could handle any more disappointment. Luckily, she wasn't angry at me. Mostly just the system. But then again so was the school counselor so that made me feel even more awful. I had gotten my hopes up and I had officially been let down.
That was exactly one year ago today. This year, I chose not to apply again. I sound like a scorned old lady, but they didn't want me then, so why would they want me now? Not going to lie, I still get upset every time I think about it. When someone asked if I was reapplying and tried to lecture me when I said no I made a snippy response and walked away. That wasn't my proudest moment, but I just couldn't help it.
The reason why I am thinking so much about this today and blogging about it is because all day I got to see my classmates dragged out of class for the new NHS members celebration party. I know I should let it all go, but when I think about being rejected by an educational organization whose voting panel were the teachers I saw everyday It hurts once again. I am used to people being rude and cruel and for the most part I am over their negative opinions (ALLL THANKS TO MY QUEST :D) but this is a different kind of rejection. It has a bigger affect on my future and is a whole lot more embarrassing.
Now, trying to put the embarrassment behind me, I am trying to think of ways to move on. I am becoming a member of FCCLA next year and am on the public relations team (YAY for more writing! :D), but I want to do more! I want to get out and help people! I want to do all the things NHS does and prove to myself that I don't need an organization like that to evaluate my self worth. Cause as of almost thirty days ago, that power lies with me! :)
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