Hmm... :D

My thirty days are officially over! I will admit that I am a little sad, but I am also thankful that I was able to learn so much about others and myself in such a short period of time! Looking back now I can see that there are definitely one or two things that I would have done differently. I do not want to say it was too late, but in a way, I think my classmates were kind of confused and surprised by my sudden and out-of-the-blue interest in them. I don’t know if they were weary or just in a state of surprise, but most of them did keep their guard up despite my communication efforts. I suppose you can’t win them all, but it got me to thinking whether or not things would have turned out differently if I had chosen to take my quest in a different direction. What if instead of choosing to reconnect with my class mates of 11 years, I had chosen to meet 1 or 2 new people everyday? Would I be better off or would I still be in the same self-confidence rut that I found myself in thirty days ago?

To be entirely honest, I think if I had chosen to meet new people, my quest would have been a bit more fun and a lot more exciting. I love learning new things and every person I meet teaches me something different. To me, meeting new people is like cracking open a book that I have never read without reading the back flap summary. I don't know what to expect till I start reading that first opening sentence and in my nerd-tastic way, I find that moment to be very exciting! :)

Plus, when I enter a conversation with a person for the first time, they do not know my past. They do not know all the embarrassing moments that make up my history. The strangers I meet have no clue that I wore glasses and had braces for what felt like a million years. They are completely that I farted in PE class in 3rd grade and blamed it on the boy next to me (unfortunately, I got caught : / ). All they know is that 1) I have a nice smile, 2) brown hair and 3) a small mole on my left cheek. It is SO much easier to start fresh than to start over!

But the question is, if I had chosen a quest all about meeting new people would I have ever reached the same level of self confidence as I have from reconnecting with the old? After much thought, I have decided that all in all I did make the right decision when choosing to make my quest about facing my fears and reconnecting with my peers. I have always been good with connecting with strangers ( I did meet one of my closest friends in a Hollister store after all :D) but as I have previously mentioned, I am not so good approaching the old. Therefore, I think that by choosing the quest I chose I was forced to challenge myself. The entire point of my quest was to face my fears and learn to put the opinions of others behind me and I do not believe I could have done that if I had chosen a different path for my 30 days.

For the longest time I lived in fear of their rejection and I was always worried that everyone was judging every little thing I did. Now that I have completed my quest, I know three things: 1.) No one really cares what I do. 2.) I do not need their approval & 3.) I am me. If they do not like me for anything less then I do not want them in my life.

I believe that Both quests had their upsides and I think that there would have been something to learn from each of them, but I truly think that I made the right decision. :)

I am One Happy Writer! :)

"The Greatest Composition Essay Ever

... will instantly make you reach for the closest nearby pen even if it is just the latest advertising ploy offered to you by your dentist or optometrist. The Greatest Composition Essay Ever will inspire you to the point where you jump out of your seat and run full speed to your awaiting laptop keyboard. It will make you want to share it's glorious content with anyone and everyone you encounter; from the man taking out the trash next door, to your dog Rufus who just happened to be lying on the floor in that exact instant, or even the cop atop the gallant horse who looks like he needs a carrot or eight. It doesn't matter whom you show it to, it’s just that you do.

After that first eye opening paragraph, you'll find that the author of The Greatest Composition Essay Ever now feels the need to teach you something. Not so much something as everything. They offer subliminal tips hidden throughout the essay like Easter eggs in a heavily wooded park with the hope that you and, as you wish to believe, only you will find these tips and clues and use them to become the best writer you can be. You may already be a wonderful writer of course, but with these new elusive finds you can become even greater. From the moment you resurface gasping for literary air from your dive within The Greatest Composition Essay Ever, you are able to move mountains with your two truest tools: your pen and your paper.

But, like every great classroom, The Greatest Composition Essay Ever is not all learning and no fun. The author has taught you his ways and now he must teach you his heart. He must evoke the passion within you that he finds within himself. To do so, he must make you laugh. He shall use sharp wit and clever hints at humor, the not stated but definitely implied sort, to sweep you off your feet. Of course being The Greatest Composition Essay Ever, there will be an assortment

of humors catered to. Varying from the common knock knock joke to the deeply poetic, the author will have you laughing in a way that makes your stomach rumble and your ears wiggle.

At last, The Greatest Composition Essay Ever is over. A large part of you is sad to see this wonderful essay end, but another part of you always knew that your love affair with this written work must eventually come to an end. So you choose to embrace this conclusive end and go forth to your humbly awaiting desk complete with laptop, reading lamp, and day calendar that shows hairy old men doing such ridiculous things that only cartoons can do. From there you will make you most heart wrenching attempt to not only create an awe-inspiring essay of your own, but actually make a composition so profound that it will literally steal the esteemed title of The Greatest Composition Essay Ever from its previous owner! Only time will tell if you succeed or fail in a brilliant way so for now you must be left to the sound of your own nimble breaths and the clacking of computer keys."

I wrote the above mini-essay as extra credit for my Composition class. After I wrote it, I was truly excited with what I had composed and to be honest I kind of felt like a total dummie head when I looked back a few days later to see if anyone else had posted their own version and I saw that they had not. I WAS THE ONLY ONE. I felt like a teachers pet and a show off all at once. A very bad combination indeed. But tonight as I got on out of the blue I saw that Lillie Ward, a fellow classmate of mine had commented on it! She said, "The part about moving mountains with your pen and paper was clever. I really enjoyed your submission and think you have some real abilities when it comes to captivating your audience."

Oh my goodness! I do not know this Lillie other than the fact that I have a tendency to comment on her discussion posts, but she truly MADE MY DAY! :)

I am a person who has dealt with self confidence issues for a really long time, and because of that I have never really let any one besides my mom and a girl in my creative writing class read any of my work. I tend to keep it secret because I do not want people to tear it down like it is a math club poster. I may be on the school paper staff, but no one reads it so I do not have to worry with what anyone has to say. That is why joining this composition class was a big deal for me. It may have been an online class full of strangers, but still! They were forced to read my thoughts and opinions! This explains why I was a bit embarrassed and a tad discouraged when I saw that no one else had submitted extra credit. But after reading Lillie's comment I want to write until the sun comes up and then some! :D

Thank you for giving me the confidence to keep on writing Lillie. :D

I Eat Way Too Much Chinese Food.

My fortune cookie tonight was an impostor. I cracked open my cookie with the hope that some major revelation about my future would be lurking inside, but no. Instead of my fortune, I found a statement. I had been given a STATEMENT cookie and I must wonder aloud, where is the fun in that?

Despite my first misgivings about my cookie switch-a-roo, I have to admit that there was beauty in that statement that lay inside. On that small, rectangular sheet of white paper were three words. Confidence Begets Confidence. I was disappointed by the fact that I really had no deep interpretations for that small yet powerful statement, but that disappointment led me to do some sleuthing.

By definition, Confidence is belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance. Beget is defined as to cause; produce as an effect. I officially had the pieces, but what was I to do with them? Put my hair up in a messy bun, throw on my cheetah print glasses, and get to thinking!

With my trusty definitions in hand, I put the pieces of my statement cookie wisdom back together. My result was simple. Confidence is the building blocks of, well, more confidence. You cannot hope to gain confidence if you do not posses at least some belief that you can attain it. You cannot climb a mountain with out beginning the climb. In that same way, you can not build a house without a foundation. To be CONFIDENT, you must have certainty in yourself!

With knowledge like this baked in golden goodness, I guess when it comes to a statement cookie you cannot go wrong. :)

Conversation Tips from a Newly Self-Proclaimed Expert

I have spent almost 30 days being a conversation craving quest-er and in that time I have learned quite a few tips! If you’re looking to start up a conversation anytime soon, these tips might come in handy!

1.) Bad breathe equals bad conversation. Never go into a conversation with dragon breath. You want them to smile at you… NOT suffocate. I suggest you pop a mint, chew some gum, or (if capable) gargle some mouthwash before you engage yourself.

2.) Compliment them! “I like your shoes!”

3 3.) Girls love talking about their boyfriends! Some like to complain and some like to boast but pretty much every girl likes to talk about their loved one. Boys on the other hand generally do NOT like to talk about girls or drama.

4.) When it comes to teenage boys I definitely suggest you start off the conversation with anything sports and then end with a bit of friendly teasing.

5.) For those around the retirement age, ask about their grandchildren or past professions! My mom is a banker who often deals with older patrons and she informs me that they love to reminisce!

6.) If a person is non-stop texting or emailing from their phone, then I suggest you steer clear. Obviously they are in the middle of something and they probably do not wish to be interrupted.

7.) Inquire about local restaurants they love or fun places they go.

Everyone likes feeling helpful. :)

8.) Always walk into a conversation with a smile. People are more apt to talk to you if you look like your having a great day and wish to share it with the world! If you look like you are about to hurl and/or cry,

that tends to turn people off.

9.) Laugh at jokes! You do not need to go over the top and seem fake,

but laughter is encouragement! Especially to those who are shy.

Day 30. :(

Today is the last day of my thirty-day quest and I would be lying if I said I was not sad to see it be over. All in all I have approached and spoken to almost 90 people from various grades within my school, a few different towns and even a different state! (Spring Break Chicago Styleeee! :D) I have spoken to people about their families, their hobbies and their futures and have learned quite a few things I never knew. Did you know that Siam was once the name of Thiland? I didn’t. Or how about that Meghan met her boyfriend in a chat room and he lives in Canada? You couldn’t possibly have known that Paige wishes to live in Colorado someday and that Orion wants to work for NASA after he attends college in England. Kaden is great at creative writing and Erin has more patience and work ethic than a navy seal. Other Megan and Alexandra work at Pizza barn & Marina has THREE jobs and is a full-time high school student. James reminds me of string cheese but he hates chocolate. Abbi has a boyfriend who is only 15 and her grandma told her that she is “Robbing the Cradle!”. Grant is the smartest khaki wearing boy I know and Matt hates all things Apple Company. I have learned all the aforementioned in the past thirty days. Plus so much more!

I used to avoid talking to my classmates and dreaded having to work in a group with people who I rarely spoke to, but now I know all these things! I was so afraid that they would judge me that I never gave them a real chance or tried to get to know them. I think it is quite funny how before my Quest began that I thought everyone around me had put me in my little box of isolation, but now I realize that I did that to myself! I was the one who tuned everyone out and inadvertently pushed everyone away. I had always assumed that they were constantly judging me when in truth, I was the one who was judging them!

I feel like the fact that I can now admit that to myself truly shows how far I have come and how much I have grown as a person. So much has happened and my eyes have been opened so many times in these short 30 days that I wish I had 30 more to see just how much more confident I could become! I am leaving this quest a more CONFIDENT, a SMARTER and a HAPPIER person and I am so proud of myself for finally reaching this point with my self-esteem.

Surprise is around every corner and in every conversation :)

I have attended my school ever since the first day of kindergarten. I showed up in my kitty tee and hair clips and have gone ever since. I can still remember the way my fear and excitement bubbled in my chest that day and the way the big wet tears formed in my mother’s eyes as she hugged me outside the door to my very first classroom. That day was over eleven years ago and a lot has changed since! There was the awkward glasses/braces stage to being totally metal free thank goodness. Then there was my transition from peewee soccer to volleyball and lastly to cheerleading. I have also stopped wearing kitty shirts. One thing that has hardly changed, are the names of my classmates.

The friendships changed as frequently as European borders, heights soared, attitudes became much more pronounced and the individuals themselves have mostly all come into their own. Sadly, I didn’t really notice the last part until today. Even though my classmates have changed, my opinions of them really have not. I do not hold grudges over past offenses of course, but I haven’t really done anything to rebuild the bridges that previously been burnt. Before my quest began, I pretty much just kept to my best friends but luckily my Quest has forced me to branch out!

Today I was talking to one of my classmates named Alexandra. Like most of the kids in my grade, we had gone to school together for 11 years and I still had never taken the time to get to know her! That is definitely a mistake. Today, out of the blue, we realized we both loved such classic movies like 16 Candles and Breakfast Club. She even recommended a few more that she thought I would enjoy. I know they are both very popular movies but it was still an eye opener for me! Because I had never really taken the time to get to know her, I had never discovered all that we had in common! Just like me, Alexandra had come to realize just how bratty she was back in our younger years. It seems that I am not the only one who wishes that everyone would forget the elementary school Katie!

After the bell rang and we went our separate ways, I realized just how important it was to get to know people and not just cast them away after one conversation. In my eleven years of schooling I surely had had a million chances to get to know Alexandra and I made the mistake of never making an attempt. I think it’s time for me to start making up the time I wasted. I still do have a week left after all! :)

You Be The Moon, I'll be the Tattler.

We read "You Be The Moon" by a fellow named Leach in class this week. Although I cannot say that I really liked the piece, I can say it was very descriptive. Thank goodness for those descriptions too because if it weren't for them I would not have understood a word in that essay or learned a single thing. I didn't really like this essay because it was about space, something that I really have no interest in to be honest, but I made it through! And along the way I found something that I cannot seem to get out of my head.

There was one line that I found in the essay that has really stuck with me. It is simple yet so true that I find it rather beautiful and romantic. While talking about how to imagine the moon's core, Leach writes, "... wherein by looking at the exterior, we imagine the interior; for the face often tattles on the heart..." What a captivating thing to say! I have heard lines like: "my love for you burns with the fire of a thousand suns" and "when she woke the angels sang, but when she spoke they cried tears of joy" but none I find as wonderful as this.

What I really love about it is how simple it is ad how true. Even the most rigid of persons displays some sort of emotion on their face. It may be a face of stone cold solitude, but it is still there. You can see the hurt in a woman's eyes before she even sheds a tear, and you can see the happiness in a smile before you even hear the laugh. The face portrays so much about what the heart is feeling and we don't even realize it! Thinking about it now, I can't help but wonder what things my face has expressed to the world without me even knowing it.

America the Beautiful.

My Joan Jett loving, feminist stepsister gave me a copy of Bust magazine today and I am in love. Officially. The tagline of every issue reads “For women with something to get off their chest” basically summing up the entirety of this awesome girl power magazine. My new favorite magazine is filled with successful ladies who have stayed true to themselves and made it big because so and in my opinion, those are the type of women that every teenage girl should look up to.

This month’s cover girl is America Ferrera and although I do not know much about her, I do know that she is one talented lady! I will even admit to seeing all of the Traveling Pants movies as well as tuning into Ugly Betty regularly for it’s first couple of seasons! Up until this article though, I never knew how amazing she really was!

Despite her success, America admits to having days where she wakes up and says, “I’m going places! I’m doing big things!...” and then days when she feels not so comfortable with the present or the future, saying, “Can I just go live in a hole in Manhattan, watch movies, and eat my way through life?” I read those lines and I thought, “Damn. If America Ferrera can have good days and bad, then why must I be so ashamed when I do too?!” It was a comfort knowing that I am not the only one who feels on top of the world some moments then flat on my ass the next. :)

Being curvaceous and Latina has brought obstacles to her career path, but like a bulldozer, she has pushed them out of her way! After describing an incident where she was never given a real chance to be handed a role because of her skin color and not her acting abilities, she spoke of how image is a big part of the business that she is in. “It’s very hard to change their minds,” she states, “But it’s not impossible.” Just because America is a size 8 in a size -2 industry doesn’t make her any less of a star. In fact I think that because she has worked so hard and has prevailed through the unfair standards of Hollywood beauty, people can both connect and respect her that much more. I know I sure do.

America’s article proved to me that no matter what people say, you can not let their opinions bring you down. You have to fight for what you want and remember who you are to achieve your dreams. :)

Playground Chatter!

Playground Chatter

There come a moment in every little girl’s life when she gets teased on the playground and runs to her mom with eyes filled with tears. Some cruel girl had called the poor thing a name and instantly ruined her entire afternoon at the park. What is a mother to do? Offer advice and a hug that will cradle the girl until all the tears reside and she is ready to go back and play. The mother’s advice is simple, “She is just jealous!”

As you get older and stop seeing your mother as the Smartest Woman Alive, you begin to doubt that powerful yet simple advice she gave. I think most can relate to that little girl and I can too. As I got older, I began to doubt that advice. Now I realize how very true it is.

There are two girls who go to my school named Laquesha and Hildagard (there names have been changed just because). Laquesha really dislikes me because she is quite controlling and I used to be best friends with her then boyfriend, T-bunny. For a really long time I didn’t realize why she disliked me so much, but I have realized that my mother was right! She really just is jealous! She saw my friendship with him as threatening. Considering I have boyfriend as well, I see that as quite dumb.

Hildagard on the other hand does not think that I am chasing after her man. She just doesn’t really like anyone besides her sister. Together, they have an opinion about everyone and everything and they are definitely not afraid to share. One moment they are can be friendly, but the next they are talking loudly about your new shoes right in front of you. I think it is safe to say that they do not have very many friends. They alienate themselves by being cruel and that is 100% their choice.

During my freshman year, Hildagard was really one of my best friends! I looked up to her because she was so much more mature than me. That is why I used to take what they said to heart. But I have since realized just how little what they say matters. Our friendship had ended when she started tearing me down. Why? Because I was no longer the kind of girl who faded into the background and I think she was jealous of that and, just like Laquesha, a little jealous.

It is empowering to be able to hear what people say about me and know that although it once made me want to break down in tears, it no longer has any effect on me! I believe I have my quest to thank for that! :)

Finish Research Paper on Procrastination... CHECK! :D

Another reason for people to procrastinate is because they the individual is angry (__1__). Have you ever been upset with a teacher or a boss and decided that you were going to put off beginning the task they assigned just because you wanted to “stick it to the man”? If so then you are only hurting yourself. You may be trying to make a point, but you are letting the one who angered you in the first place win by procrastinating and being forced to turn in something less than your best work.

Lastly, people often procrastinate because they feel overwhelmed and often it is the procrastinating that puts them in the situation to begin with! If a person lets their work pile up or lets their to do list get too long they can often feel like there is no hope for ever getting it all done. When the stress gets to be too much they choose to give up for the time being and find something to do that is more fun and less stressful. Although it may be a quick fix at the time, the procrastinator regrets it later when they have even less time than before.

The suggested solution is to focus on one thing at a time. Forget about all the other things on that list and devote your self solely to getting that one thing done. When you are finished you will be proud of yourself to even just taking one step to making that list smaller!

Although there are many tips available to those who procrastinate and wish to put a stop to the bad habit, a cure for procrastination seems to be as difficult to find as a rare slug. One source claims that intense cognitive behavioral therapy is a solution (____5__), but another claims there to be true cure.

If you are feeling a little blue because of your procrastinating habits, then here is some news to cheer you up! First of all, you are not alone! 20% of people consider themselves chronic procrastinators who leave doing even the littlest of things to the last minute, like Christmas shopping and paying the bills for example (__5___). Also, not everyone sees procrastination as a bad thing. For one man, writer John Perry, procrastination is a way to get the less important things in life done (__3__). He sees it as a useful way to make the bad trait [of procrastination] work for you (_3___). He calls his idea “structured procrastination” and insists that a being a procrastinator makes him a “useful citizen”!

Prior to my researching the topic of procrastination I was really unaware that there were so many aspects to why and how people procrastinate! But after diving headfirst into the land of procrastination tips and reasoning, I feel as if I can put my procrastinating past behind me and relinquish myself from this very bad habit for good!

Bibliography

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/procrastinate

http://sas.calpoly.edu/asc/ssl/procrastination.html

http://www.structuredprocrastination.com/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200308/procrastination-ten-things-know

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200308/procrastination-ten-things-know

My Un-MlLA formatted Research Essay! Part UNO.

The Art Of Procrastination

Not only is procrastination the work of the devil (in my opinion), it is also a VERY bad habit of mine. I put everything off until the very last second and then breakdown in tears because I cannot handle the stress of it. So why, oh why, do I choose to do this to myself?! I have done some detective style sleuthing to find out why people procrastinate and how they can overcome it. Hopefully I can use these tips to put a stop to my annoyingly dreadful habit.

Edward Young once said, “Procrastination the thief of time.” But according to Dictioanry.com, procrastination is the act of deferring an action or to cause delay. Both I believe to be very adequate descriptions. To be exact, procrastination is a complex psychological behavior (_____). For many it is a long lasting behavior that can transcend many life stages. Ultimately, procrastinating becomes a habit and anyone who has ever chewed their fingernails or sucked their thumb knows how hard it is to break a habit. Despite the fact that people who procrastinate often have to deal with tremendous amounts of stress and anxiety, they still continue to do so all through out life. The chances of a person who procrastinated a lot in college not carrying their habit over into their very first job are rather slim.

Procrastination is not a problem of time management (_5___). Just because a person procrastinates does not mean that they are unable to plan things out efficiently. The problem lies with the act of sticking to that plan. That is why, "Telling someone who procrastinates to buy a weekly planner is like telling someone with chronic depression to just cheer up," says Dr. Joseph Ferrari, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at De Paul University in Chicago.

Many who procrastinate end up feeling like a victim. The individual cannot figure out why they have done this to them self so therefore they are unsure of how to stop their hindering behavior. I fall into the category above. There have been many times when I have found myself in a situation where I have an hour left to submit a paper and have yet to start! Not only does this stress me out, but it also makes me frustrated and angry with myself.

Procrastination is considered a counterproductive behavior that is frequently repeated. But the real question is why is it repeated. Some people believe that they “work well under pressure”. If they do end up making their deadline and are given a positive reward then they continue to behave in the same way because it has turned out positively before. Others use the art of procrastination as method a of coping with day to day pressures (__1__). It is much easier to say that there is too much to do and too little time to do it then to sit down and put serious effort into checking tasks off of that ever-growing to do list.

Physiologists have also determined there to be a number of complex reasons why people procrastinate. One of them is perfectionism (__1__). A person will procrastinate because they feel that whatever they do won’t fit their unrealistically high standards. In this case, it comes down to a lack of self-confidence. They wish to do an outstanding job on their paper, but feel like they are incapable to do so. They put it off until the very last second because they are disappointed with their own performance.

To resolve this issue, you must think positive! You ARE good enough to produce something worth showing off and submitting for a grade or for criticism! Also, it is important to remember that EVERYONE makes mistakes, even famous poets and authors. No one expects perfection. They expect your best efforts.

(I am halfway done as of 10:30 tonight! Wish me luck on finishing up tomorrow :D)

Educational Rejection.

I have spoken about how I feel I am regularly rejected in a social setting, but not once I have I mentioned anything beyond that. My apologies! To make it up to you, I will use this blog to talk about my failed attempt at joining National Honor Society. I am warning you, this is quite the sore spot for me!

I may not be the best basketball player. Or the best volleyball player. Not even that person with a genius I.Q., but I do pride myself on being A) a good friend B) a friendly person and C) a good student. Every quarter I come home with a report card containing mostly with A's and one or two B's. Math and Chemistry are definitely not my strong suit, but I make do and usually put forth a good effort in them. I do my homework, study for tests and rarely cheat on assignments. I like knowing that I earn my good grades and I like that although I may make a silly and stupid comment on occasion, I will always have my grades to back me up when I need to remind my peers of my "smarts"!

Education is also a big thing in my family. My father is a defense attorney who has his own firm, my mother is a respected banker and the first in her family to attend college, and my Dad's father (Grandad to me! :D) was the President of a private college in Nebraska prior to his retirement. I think it is safe to say that it is these people who make me want to excel in school and it is definitely their genes that help me to do so. Minus my father and his strange but understandable track obsession, my family puts more emphasis on educational achievements than on the physical. (Thank god for that. I can NOT dribble. Its painful to watch.) One of my mom's biggest things was that she wanted me to be involved in NHS and I was also really excited about being a part of it as well! Not only would it look good on college applications, but it would also give me a chance to help out in the community and make a difference. It is a double win I thought!

I submitted my application and excitedly waited for the choosing process to be final so that I could get started! I felt like I was a shoe in and pretty much everyone else had told me I was too! To be honest, I assumed I would get in and wasn't all that worried. I even let a friend at the time open what I thought was my acceptance letter. I WAS SO SO SO WRONG. I had been rejected and would not become a member of my high school's chapter of NHS that year. I was crushed on the inside. I tried so hard to act like it wasn't a big deal but I later excused myself to the bathroom and had a quick cry.

Not only was I disappointed in myself, I was also really worried what my mother said. I was so scared she would be upset with me. I didn't think I could handle any more disappointment. Luckily, she wasn't angry at me. Mostly just the system. But then again so was the school counselor so that made me feel even more awful. I had gotten my hopes up and I had officially been let down.

That was exactly one year ago today. This year, I chose not to apply again. I sound like a scorned old lady, but they didn't want me then, so why would they want me now? Not going to lie, I still get upset every time I think about it. When someone asked if I was reapplying and tried to lecture me when I said no I made a snippy response and walked away. That wasn't my proudest moment, but I just couldn't help it.

The reason why I am thinking so much about this today and blogging about it is because all day I got to see my classmates dragged out of class for the new NHS members celebration party. I know I should let it all go, but when I think about being rejected by an educational organization whose voting panel were the teachers I saw everyday It hurts once again. I am used to people being rude and cruel and for the most part I am over their negative opinions (ALLL THANKS TO MY QUEST :D) but this is a different kind of rejection. It has a bigger affect on my future and is a whole lot more embarrassing.

Now, trying to put the embarrassment behind me, I am trying to think of ways to move on. I am becoming a member of FCCLA next year and am on the public relations team (YAY for more writing! :D), but I want to do more! I want to get out and help people! I want to do all the things NHS does and prove to myself that I don't need an organization like that to evaluate my self worth. Cause as of almost thirty days ago, that power lies with me! :)

BEWARE! Of the Kimkin’s Diet [Scam]!

I’ll admit it. I, Katie Brown, am on a heath kick. I am saying bye to cheddar cheese Pringles, fatty foods, and my beloved sweets all because I am sick of feeling crummy. Lately my stomach had been hurting to the point where I have to leave school early and with track in full swing, I am sick of the pain. That is why I have chosen to begin what I call a “Healthy Diet”! It consists of eating food that is both good to the taste buds and also for the body. I have been doing some research online looking for recipes and helpful advice and what not when I came across an article talking about the Kimkin’s Diet which later was found out to be a dangerous scam!

If you are like me and had never heard about the scam, here is what went down. Kimkins was started by a woman, she went by Kimmer online, who decided that she would tweak the Atkins diet by making a faster resulting low carbohydrate, low fat, and very low calorie diet known as the Kimkins diet.

The diet plan all seemed okay from the outside, it was even mentioned in Woman’s World magazine, but once the dieter paid the expenseive online membership dues, they were introduced to a whole new plan! Followers are instructed to consume 500 calories or less a day and are told to strive for SNATT. Meaning Semi Nauseous All Day, memembers try to reach this state of permanent nausea because Kimmer told them that meant the diet was working! She also promoted the regular use of laxatives!

What I didn’t understand while reading about this awful scam is why people didn’t question it sooner? Couldn’t they see that their hair loss, fainting and heart palpitations were all related to them not eating? Maybe they choose to see the best in Kimmer, their diet hero, but I can’t see why anybody would go on a diet like that and not see the similarities to such eating disorders like anorexia. Hmm…

If you would like to hear more about the Kimkins Diet and why it was such a scam, visit this website: www.3fatchicks.com/kimkins-anatomy-of-a-diet-scam

Hungry? I didn't think so.

If life was a dinner plate of emotions, mine would be full. Imagine a plate. It can be a piece from your grand mother's fine china cabinet (I won't tattle) or it can be one made out of plastic that makes a clacking sound and doesn't shatter when dropped on a hard wood floor. My plate of the week is made of paper. Anyone who has experience with paper plates knows that they are not the most reliable type of dinnerware and that is exactly why I have chosen it to describe my life this week. As we go through the buffet of emotions that make up my day you will see that my paper plate is becoming quite full. Dangerously full to be exact. In the top right there is a heaping pile of Stomach Ache & Nausea pain that just wont go away. At its opposite, aka the left, resides a half plate full of Tired since it is track season and I never get enough sleep. If you look to the bottom right you will see two scoops of Confidence Troubles. Lastly, in a nice thick gravy-like coating all over the top of my emotional plate I have Stress, Stress, and more STRESS. So much stress that my plate is slowly but surely giving way and will soon splatter all over my lap as I try my hardest to de-stress-ify and remove all that unwanted stress. But I am in too deep and at this point have no idea where to start. Do I play catch up and write all 5 of my missing blogs or do I crank out a shitty Research paper before it is too late? I need to do it ALL and I need to do it now, but I can't get past the stress gravy that is playing with my emotions and making it hard to focus upon one singular thing at a time. As if that wasn't enough, the weight of carrying around this plate is making me one unhappy and very grumpy girl. Today is my sixth month anniversary. A definite record for me yet I cannot seem to enjoy it. I have done more crying and frowning today than smiling and that is not how I want to remember this day. Plus, no matter what I do, I cannot look past my plate and focus on the happy and that is just making me angry. Angry at my plate, but mostly just angry at myself.

"ASDFGHJKL;" <-- that was the sound of my emotional plate finally crumbling to pieces on my lap. UGHHHHH. I just wish it would all go away, but this isn't a Disney movie and I have no magic wand. Somehow I am going to have to figure a way out of this mess and hope that I leave it a STRONGER and BETTER person who has learned her lesson. Wish Me Luck! :/

Have you ever...

... began a research paper only to abandon it a week later because it just didn't feel right?! If so, then we can be friends because that is exactly what I have done. Although I am rather proud of the new paper I have written, I do feel awfully bad leaving the other to rot in my documents folder for the rest of time. :/ So instead of letting it waste away, I am going to use it as blog fodder! Yippee! I hope something, anything can be learned from this fragment of a research paper so I post it with the best hopes! :)

(I never got around to a title. Poor little guy!)

When you look in the mirror do you like what you see? Unfortunately, for most women, the answer to that question is no. It seems to be that women are ceasing to realize their own beauty and are taking drastic measures to achieve a new and artificial image of what they believe is beautiful. Some women decide to undergo costly plastic surgery and others are caught up in a continuous cycle of dieting, but many put themselves even more at risk for the sake of beauty. Under society’s harsh glare, more and more woman and teens are establishing eating disorders to fit into the wrongly set standards of beauty.

By definition, an eating disorder is any of several psychological disorders characterized by serious disturbances of eating behavior . Two of the most commonly seen disorders are anorexia nervosa, the act of self-starvation, and bulimia nervosa, or the act of eating large amounts and then purging the food from your body either with laxatives or vomiting or even over-exercising. As explained by The Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness, people establish eating disorders for a variety of reasons. Often it is a mix of genetic, sociocultural, and psycho-developmental factors (such as: life transitions, sexuality issues, and bodily changes) (1).

According to The Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness, often eating disorders are used as a coping method for teens and children who feel like their lives are out of control (1). For example: the death of a loved one, the separation of a child’s parents, or even in cases where the child is trying to deal with the ridicule and bullying they have received at school. In other cases, Studies show that people who have a history of emotional, sexual or physical abuse use their eating disorder to repress the painful memories that are attached to the abuse they endured. By making food the enemy, they are able to numb the pain. (3)

New research has also come out recently stating that genetics might play a role in the formation of eating disorders. The chances a person has of forming an eating disorder are heightened if a close relative has had one prior (1). Much like the way alcoholism and drug addiction are often present in a persons genetic makeup. The National Institute of Mental Health/ National Institute of Health is further researching this new concept.

According to doctors and psychiatrists, there is another reason for the increase in the development of eating disorders: the media. Our culture no longer celebrates inner beauty and it persuades us to think that being thin and tall is better than embracing who we are as individuals. From the words of professional expert John Smolak, "The average woman is 5"4' and weighs 140 pounds. The average model is 5"11' and weighs 117 pounds. Most fashion models are thinner than 98% of American women." (4). Not only are the runways affecting how we see ourselves, but also Hollywood. Magazine cover after magazine cover shows beautiful thin actresses who many look up to and idolize. Although it may not be their intention, by following the standards Hollywood has set on beauty they are influencing many and putting a glamorous mask on conformity.

(thats all folks!)

I am PROUD to be a Cheerleader! :D

Cheerleading tryouts for the 2010-2011 season are this week and I am so nervous yet excited that I feel about ready to burst with butterflies, tears, and HAPPINESS all at once! Although I have been cheering ever since sophomore year and am seen as a leader, I can’t help but be nervous! Next year I will be a senior and I want to cheer one last final year so badly it hurts. Sometimes I might complain and vow that I will never put on my stinky cheer shoes again, I really do love it! I just forget sometimes when the games get long and my skirt starts to ride up. Basically, my happiness for the entirety of my senior year depends on my tryout at the end of this week so fingers crossed that I make it! :)

Being a cheerleader definitely requires confidence! First of all you have to wear a tight uniform in front of pretty much everyone. Second, you have to put up with all the nasty comments thrown your way because you are a cheerleader and wear a tight uniform. Thirdly, in order to perfect and late perform a tough stunt, you have to have faith that you can succeed and the flyer WILL come down safely. You even have to have enough confidence to stand in front a packed room and yell semi-ridiculous chants and not worry what those in the stands have to say about you. People tend to give cheerleaders a lot of crap, but I can assure you, our job is not as easy and carefree as we make it look!

Part of the trying out process requires a one-page essay (mine was two… Opps! :P) about our team goals and our personal goals for the next season. Regardless of it’s importance, it made me take a big look inside and examine what I could do better so that way the squad would be better. I hate admitting I am wrong so this was kind of a big deal for me. That being said, here is my essay! Hopefully, it gives you a better idea as to what lies on the inside of me, Katie Brown.

Girls With Goals

By Katie Brown

The Cheerleading squad at Van Meter High School is more than just a squad. It’s a sisterhood. I know that my last statement may have sounded a little cheesy but it’s true. We laugh together, share secrets and endure a less than enthusiastic crowd every time we put on our royal blue uniforms. Sometimes we don’t always see eye to eye and there are times when we all feel like we need a bit of personal space, but the way we overcome our differences and build off of those moments is what truly makes us a strong squad. Most importantly though, we all care about each other whether we are in the midst of a cheerleading season or not.

Another thing I love about our squad is how hard we are willing to work! We all know that there are areas we need to improve upon both as individuals and as a team. I will be the first to admit that my jumps are not at the level they need to be and I get so self conscious every time I do try and practice that it is hard for me to improve, but I plan on spending some serious time in front of the mirror this summer so that way I can do a jump come next fall in front of the entire student body without any hesitation or fear.

As a back, I know that I need to work on certain skills when it comes to stunting. In retakes I need to do a better job of controlling and slowing down the flyers body (and bottom) as she is coming down. I also know that I need to take a step back when our flyer twists out of a stunt in order to catch her in a safer way. I really hope that I am given the chance to improve upon these things when it comes time for late summer practices to begin!

But I am just one member of the squad. One of my team goals for next year is to place within the top 3 teams at state! We worked so hard last year and I know if we put our minds to it we can accomplish anything next season. To be honest, I think one of biggest issues this year was the accidental divide that formed between the two stunting groups during competition season. Luckily, the strained relationships were mended soon after state, but I wish that things had never gotten to that point to begin with. I know we all just want the best for our squad and girls don’t always get along, but next year I hope we make more of an effort to support each other when we all get tired and frustrated. I propose we spend more time together outside of practice so that we can remember how much fun we have together! That way when the going gets rough we all remember that we have 11 other girls there to support us no matter what. Like I said earlier, our squad is a sisterhood and I would love to be given the opportunity to be a part of that sisterhood in the 2010/2011 season! J

Everything Happens For A Reason.

Ever since I was a little girl, my mom has been forcing me to go to church. That is, up until a year or two ago when she got sick of the ensuing battle that always came with her waking me up before 11 am on a Sunday morning and finally gave up. I would be a liar to admit that I didn't mind getting the extra sleep and that up until recently I didn't really care whether I attended or not, but something has changed.

I can't help but smile when I look back and remember sitting in the pews as a little girl. I used to color, talk much to loudly, and be an overall general distraction to my mother. Even though I didn't get anything out of those hour long services, it just goes to show that from an early age my mom tried to in still in me a sense that something greater was out there. Something great and loving that I could always fall back on.

Fast forward a couple of years to 7th and 8th grade and Confirmation. We sang songs, went on a yearly retreat, and sometimes took notes, but beyond that I never really got anything out of it. It was fun and at the end I officially became a member of God's church (or at least I think thats what the purpose was) but I didn't leave feeling like I had made a real connection with God even though I had been learning about Him for two years. The lack of a connection really disappointed me. What I wanted more than anything during that time in my life was a solid and non-disappointing bond with someone other than my family and I didn't have that.

After Confirmation, I quit trying. I'll admit it. I no longer wanted to put forth the effort and

get nothing back from it. Looking back now, I really do regret giving up on trying to create a

stronger relationship with God. After all the self confidence lows I have endured, I really believe

that it would have been so much easier I had had a strong relationship with God. He could have

been that someone that was always there to listen when all I needed was to vent my feelings.

When I no longer believed in myself, he could and would have been there to remind me of who I

was and reaffirm the beliefs within that I was beautiful and I could achieve anything I set my

mind to. A part of me wishes He could have been there to hold my hand through those tough

times, but another part of me knows that it was all just a part of His plan.

When it came time to begin my self confidence Quest, I knew I HAD to succeed and

it would be much harder to do so if I did it alone. But who could I turn to I asked myself?

My mom would have the best intentions, but I need space and that is not one of her strong

suits. I though of my happy and kind best friend and wanted so badly to tell her, but I didn't

want her to think that she wasn't enough when she is wonderful just the way she is. Lastly, I

thought of my boyfriend. I know I can trust him, but I didn't want him to think differently of

me and I didn't want him to think I was unhappy in our relationship because that is exactly what

I am NOT. All these people being cast aside in my mental list of helpers I couldn't help but feel

a sense of despair. But then I remembered that one superior person who I could put all my faith

in...

The first wednesday of my Quest happened to be Ash Wednesday. It also happened to be the

first time I had willing stepped into Church in a long long LONGGGG time. Being there only

reaffirmed my beliefs that He would help me in my Quest and that He would be there every step

of the way.

If your still reading, and I hope you are, I have a funny story for you! :)

It was the Wednesday after Ash Wednesday and I was really quite excited to attend Church

that evening. After track practice I rushed home to get decent looking and eat an apple so that

my stomach wouldn't be rumbling through the entire service and then I was ready to go! My mom

and I rushed into town, speeding as usual, and finally arrived. But something seemed a bit off.

That parking lot was practically empty and there wasn't the usual crowd walking through the

front doors. My mom didn't seem to notice so I said nothing thinking that we were just

annoyingly early like always. I am sure you may have guessed the ending by now, but I will

state the obvious... There was no Church! We had driven all the way into town with the best

intentions and ended up in an empty church. Opps! hahaha. Of course we couldn't waste gas

so we decided to go tanning and eat out so I guess it wasn't too bad of a night after all. :)

The Interview Essay.

No one knows teenagers better than teenagers themselves, but one woman comes close. Her name is Stacey Wigant and as a high school Spanish teacher she speaks three languages: English, Spanish and Teenager. It is no wonder considering she is surrounded by high school students five days a week from 8:20 to 3:15. She knows about their dreams and their dramas, their accomplishments and their downfalls, all the while keeping her rowdy classrooms full of students constantly on their toes. Being a teacher is a challenging job, but being the kind of teacher that students can confide in is even more of a challenge. Because of her passion for teaching and her students, I knew that Mrs. Wigant would be the perfect person to interview when it came to finding some insight into my quest. For thirty days I have chosen to face my personal fears of judgment and criticism and reach out to three different people everyday who I have classified as “unapproachable”. I chose a very personal quest and therefore I wanted to seek out some comforting thoughts and insight. I couldn’t help but mull over questions like: Do others feel just as self-conscious as I do when I have to answer a question in math class? Does the self-proclaimed ladies man ever get nervous around a really cute girl? Does everyone see that big ol’ zit on my chin, or am I the only one? I turned to Mrs. Wigant with these questions with hope that her advice would aide me as I undergo my quest and face my fears.

As I walked into Mrs. Wigant’s classroom the morning of our interview, I was a tad nervous. I suddenly realized as I climbed the steps to her room that there was one major thing I had forgotten to prepare for: her history! What if Mrs. Wigant was a confident prom queen who never once had a zit her whole high school life? What if everyone had bowed when she entered the room like they do for the Queen of England? If so, then this would not be the interview I was hoping for. I was used to feeling judged by my classmates, but I wasn’t prepared for Mrs. Wigant, someone I have long looked up to, to judge me as well. Not only would judgment like that hurt me personally, but it also might be a major set back to my barely off the ground quest! In this world, life isn’t fair so of course my previous fears were confirmed right after I asked my first question. When asked I asked Mrs. Wigant to rank her high school self-confidence level on a scale of one to ten, Mrs. Wigant declared herself an eight.
“I was an 8 definitely!” she said happily as my excited grin was replaced with a face of disappointment as I tried to think of something to say. Luckily, Mrs. Wigant spoke first and ultimately saved our almost capsized interview.

“That is… if you don’t include boys! I was a nervous wreck around boys! If it was partner work in school I was fine, but not one-on-one. I always got embarrassed and turned bright red!” she said with a giggle before adding, “If only I knew then what I know now!” She has two adorable children and a husband who are always at the center of her “classroom related” stories so I think it is safe to say that Mrs. Wigant definitely out grew her fear of boys! It was comforting to see that even the people who seem totally put together have some issues.

With our interview saved and off to a better start, I decided to delve deeper into the subject of teen confidence. According to Mrs. Wigant everyone has some self-confidence issues, even the people who you wouldn’t expect to. I couldn’t help but laugh when Mrs. Wigant stated matter of factly, “I remember one day I had a zit that I was sure everyone was staring at! … Until the next day when I looked around and realized, ‘I’m not the only one!’” This may not have been a profound quote worthy of a frame made out of bullet proof glass, but it made me realize how important it is to laugh at yourself! Being prone to falling and other various forms of embarrassment from an early age, I am very used to laughing at the dumb things I do, but I never thought to use my laughter to keep my classmates opinions of me at bay.

My favorite moment of the interview came next when Mrs. Wignat said, “Self -confidence is a huge deal for high school kids in the fact that they are so worried with what others think and yet what’s funny is that half the time no one notices!”
Perhaps you can imagine my face of pleasant surprise when I heard this ground breaking statement! All this time I had thought my classmates were judging every move I made when it turns out they couldn’t care less! What a relief!
Those who have class with her everyday know that Mrs. Wigant loves to share life lessons and hand out advice almost as much as she loves conjugating verbs and coming up with clever projects so of course I was waiting to hear what she had to say about how to improve one’s self confidence! She didn’t let me down. Her advice to those who are struggling with their self-confidence was this, “The biggest thing is [to not] put yourself in this little shell, put yourself out there bit by bit… Your biggest fear is yourself.”

She recommended getting involved too! “Get involved in things!” she advises. “By involving yourself, you can no longer hold yourself back!”

It turns out we both agree that self-confidence is a finicky business. True, the negative opinions of others are what continue to hurt a person’s confidence like lemon juice irritates a wound, but in the end the fault lies within the person for letting those negatives affect them in such a powerful way! Only you can let others hurt you so therefore only you can hold yourself back from reaching your full potential!


As our interview came to a close, Mrs. Wigant offered one last tip. “Everyday is a new day,” she said. To me that statement was a real comfort. Everyday offers a new beginning and a new chance. Just because I might have been un-confident in the past doesn’t mean that it is too late to change and that is what my quest is all about!
Just as I had hoped, my interview with Mrs. Wigant gave me a different perspective as to how to overcome my confidence troubles. She challenged me to think past high school and realize just how much I can achieve with my confidence by my side!

When one door closes... You SLAM IT SHUT.

If you had walked into my house ten minutes ago you would have quickly turned around to face the door and made an even quicker exit. No, there wasn't a toxic chemical spill in the living room or a raging fire on the couch, just an insanely mad teenage girl slamming doors and yelling profanities. Her fury could be felt two rooms away and the sadness she felt was apparent on her tear stained face and in her bloodshot eyes. She had been upset before, but not like this. Today she was hurting for herself and her friend and she knew that she had no right to do either.

It pains me to admit that the teenager mentioned above was me, but a good writer is a truthful one so therefore I must be completely honest. I am no stranger to my strong emotions, but this time I couldn't help but be angry and frustrated to the point of total room destruction. My best friend has the most inconsiderate girlfriend who really doesn't respect or value the fact that she is in a relationship with one of the nicest and most caring boys ever. And trust me, I know that it really does not involve me nor that it is any of MY business, but how could I not be upset when everyday I have to sit by and watch her flirt with far too many boys and generally act in a very "single" way?

Those who know me know how much I care about my friends and family. Their happiness makes me happy and when I see them succeed I can't help but get a warm feeling in my heart. But is it possible that I care too much? It appears so ladies and gentlemen. :/ Today the Best Friend received his status as an Eagle Scout in a service at a local church. Him and 4 of his fellow scouts received the esteemed honor while their families and friends looked on and I was lucky enough to be in the audience. Not going to lie, I almost cried (happy tears!) when I talked to his mom after the service and gave her a hug. They are such a wonderful family! After the service was a reception with the usual cake and punch being served. The Best Friend and I were just talking when his girlfriend decided to saunter up and send me away with a stern look.

I feel as if I am doing a horrible job explaining this, but that look made me angry. Who was SHE to flirt non-stop with a good looking senior two nights before and NOW act as if I had no right to be there congratulating my friend? In my opinion she didn't and that is when I decided that it was time to escape the much to crowded church and head for home. But that only made me even more upset! Yes, I was upset with her and quite fed up with the whole situation, but now I was mad at myself. I felt as if I had ran away. I had let her push me around once again and that only added to my dismay!

I have since cooled down and re-folded all of the clean laundry I had previously thrown around the room and have been trying to think of ways to abstract myself from the situation. It was me after all who was dumb enough to get myself involved, so now it is my job to find a way to ignore my feelings of frustration. From today on I am going to try my hardest to be less involved in the personal affairs of my friends and focus on my own life's dilemmas.