"It’s not you who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you're not"

"It’s not you who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you're not," said by anonymous, is the quote of my high school career. I am the girl who can talk to a random stranger about how much I love their jeans and have a new friend by the time the conversation is over. Unfortunately, I am also the same girl who is so afraid that people will cast judgment on me that I can hardly talk to the same people I have gone to school with for eleven years of my life. In my own self-deprecating opinion, that is no longer okay. For the next thirty days I will embark on a quest to talk to at least three classmates or acquaintances everyday. I will talk to those who scare me, those who have previously criticized me, and those who just seem unfriendly in every single way. To top it all off, I will do it with my head held high and a smile on my face.

With my past in the rear view mirror, I think it is time to move on to the now of my life. I am a junior in a relatively small high school. I am a varsity cheerleader with a respectful grade point average. I like watching movies with my friends, proudly showing off my quite extensive headband collection, and I could eat banana bread & cheesy snack mix till I feel as if I will explode! But some days I feel as if something majorly important is missing within me. That missing link is my self-confidence. Unfortunately, it comes and goes as it pleases with random unsuspected departures. Some days I feel as if I could carry on a conversation with a squirrel and never run out of things to say but then on others, Poof! I have nothing but my own uninteresting thoughts swirling around in that head of mine. The inconsistency of it all is a pain to deal with. It can make transform me from the life of the party to the wall-flower in one swift change and I am far to fun loving to have to deal with that any longer. That is why I am ready to undertake this quest of mine and come out of it a better and more confident person who knows that no matter where I am or who is around I will be able to my happiest and my best.

For the longest time I could not figure out why my self-confidence issues came and left as frequently as they did. It was like a never-ending cycle of self-doubt and I had no idea how to finally bring the cycle to a decisive stop. After a few tear filled nights, I have come to one almost too simple conclusion: I like myself for who I am until someone else comes around and tells me that THEY do not. The answer was so simple and I had been looking right at it in every classroom and every crowded gym I had ever stepped foot in. The answer lies within my peers. It is THEIR disproval and THEIR judgmental stares and comments that make me feel like who I am is not good enough. I am a smart enough girl to realize that I can’t lay all the blame upon my undeserving peers. They may have been the ones to cast their judgments in the first place, but it is I who is lacking the strength to not let their toxic thoughts affect me. Everyone has a right to their own opinions, but that does not mean I have to agree with them.