The Interview Essay.

No one knows teenagers better than teenagers themselves, but one woman comes close. Her name is Stacey Wigant and as a high school Spanish teacher she speaks three languages: English, Spanish and Teenager. It is no wonder considering she is surrounded by high school students five days a week from 8:20 to 3:15. She knows about their dreams and their dramas, their accomplishments and their downfalls, all the while keeping her rowdy classrooms full of students constantly on their toes. Being a teacher is a challenging job, but being the kind of teacher that students can confide in is even more of a challenge. Because of her passion for teaching and her students, I knew that Mrs. Wigant would be the perfect person to interview when it came to finding some insight into my quest. For thirty days I have chosen to face my personal fears of judgment and criticism and reach out to three different people everyday who I have classified as “unapproachable”. I chose a very personal quest and therefore I wanted to seek out some comforting thoughts and insight. I couldn’t help but mull over questions like: Do others feel just as self-conscious as I do when I have to answer a question in math class? Does the self-proclaimed ladies man ever get nervous around a really cute girl? Does everyone see that big ol’ zit on my chin, or am I the only one? I turned to Mrs. Wigant with these questions with hope that her advice would aide me as I undergo my quest and face my fears.

As I walked into Mrs. Wigant’s classroom the morning of our interview, I was a tad nervous. I suddenly realized as I climbed the steps to her room that there was one major thing I had forgotten to prepare for: her history! What if Mrs. Wigant was a confident prom queen who never once had a zit her whole high school life? What if everyone had bowed when she entered the room like they do for the Queen of England? If so, then this would not be the interview I was hoping for. I was used to feeling judged by my classmates, but I wasn’t prepared for Mrs. Wigant, someone I have long looked up to, to judge me as well. Not only would judgment like that hurt me personally, but it also might be a major set back to my barely off the ground quest! In this world, life isn’t fair so of course my previous fears were confirmed right after I asked my first question. When asked I asked Mrs. Wigant to rank her high school self-confidence level on a scale of one to ten, Mrs. Wigant declared herself an eight.
“I was an 8 definitely!” she said happily as my excited grin was replaced with a face of disappointment as I tried to think of something to say. Luckily, Mrs. Wigant spoke first and ultimately saved our almost capsized interview.

“That is… if you don’t include boys! I was a nervous wreck around boys! If it was partner work in school I was fine, but not one-on-one. I always got embarrassed and turned bright red!” she said with a giggle before adding, “If only I knew then what I know now!” She has two adorable children and a husband who are always at the center of her “classroom related” stories so I think it is safe to say that Mrs. Wigant definitely out grew her fear of boys! It was comforting to see that even the people who seem totally put together have some issues.

With our interview saved and off to a better start, I decided to delve deeper into the subject of teen confidence. According to Mrs. Wigant everyone has some self-confidence issues, even the people who you wouldn’t expect to. I couldn’t help but laugh when Mrs. Wigant stated matter of factly, “I remember one day I had a zit that I was sure everyone was staring at! … Until the next day when I looked around and realized, ‘I’m not the only one!’” This may not have been a profound quote worthy of a frame made out of bullet proof glass, but it made me realize how important it is to laugh at yourself! Being prone to falling and other various forms of embarrassment from an early age, I am very used to laughing at the dumb things I do, but I never thought to use my laughter to keep my classmates opinions of me at bay.

My favorite moment of the interview came next when Mrs. Wignat said, “Self -confidence is a huge deal for high school kids in the fact that they are so worried with what others think and yet what’s funny is that half the time no one notices!”
Perhaps you can imagine my face of pleasant surprise when I heard this ground breaking statement! All this time I had thought my classmates were judging every move I made when it turns out they couldn’t care less! What a relief!
Those who have class with her everyday know that Mrs. Wigant loves to share life lessons and hand out advice almost as much as she loves conjugating verbs and coming up with clever projects so of course I was waiting to hear what she had to say about how to improve one’s self confidence! She didn’t let me down. Her advice to those who are struggling with their self-confidence was this, “The biggest thing is [to not] put yourself in this little shell, put yourself out there bit by bit… Your biggest fear is yourself.”

She recommended getting involved too! “Get involved in things!” she advises. “By involving yourself, you can no longer hold yourself back!”

It turns out we both agree that self-confidence is a finicky business. True, the negative opinions of others are what continue to hurt a person’s confidence like lemon juice irritates a wound, but in the end the fault lies within the person for letting those negatives affect them in such a powerful way! Only you can let others hurt you so therefore only you can hold yourself back from reaching your full potential!


As our interview came to a close, Mrs. Wigant offered one last tip. “Everyday is a new day,” she said. To me that statement was a real comfort. Everyday offers a new beginning and a new chance. Just because I might have been un-confident in the past doesn’t mean that it is too late to change and that is what my quest is all about!
Just as I had hoped, my interview with Mrs. Wigant gave me a different perspective as to how to overcome my confidence troubles. She challenged me to think past high school and realize just how much I can achieve with my confidence by my side!

When one door closes... You SLAM IT SHUT.

If you had walked into my house ten minutes ago you would have quickly turned around to face the door and made an even quicker exit. No, there wasn't a toxic chemical spill in the living room or a raging fire on the couch, just an insanely mad teenage girl slamming doors and yelling profanities. Her fury could be felt two rooms away and the sadness she felt was apparent on her tear stained face and in her bloodshot eyes. She had been upset before, but not like this. Today she was hurting for herself and her friend and she knew that she had no right to do either.

It pains me to admit that the teenager mentioned above was me, but a good writer is a truthful one so therefore I must be completely honest. I am no stranger to my strong emotions, but this time I couldn't help but be angry and frustrated to the point of total room destruction. My best friend has the most inconsiderate girlfriend who really doesn't respect or value the fact that she is in a relationship with one of the nicest and most caring boys ever. And trust me, I know that it really does not involve me nor that it is any of MY business, but how could I not be upset when everyday I have to sit by and watch her flirt with far too many boys and generally act in a very "single" way?

Those who know me know how much I care about my friends and family. Their happiness makes me happy and when I see them succeed I can't help but get a warm feeling in my heart. But is it possible that I care too much? It appears so ladies and gentlemen. :/ Today the Best Friend received his status as an Eagle Scout in a service at a local church. Him and 4 of his fellow scouts received the esteemed honor while their families and friends looked on and I was lucky enough to be in the audience. Not going to lie, I almost cried (happy tears!) when I talked to his mom after the service and gave her a hug. They are such a wonderful family! After the service was a reception with the usual cake and punch being served. The Best Friend and I were just talking when his girlfriend decided to saunter up and send me away with a stern look.

I feel as if I am doing a horrible job explaining this, but that look made me angry. Who was SHE to flirt non-stop with a good looking senior two nights before and NOW act as if I had no right to be there congratulating my friend? In my opinion she didn't and that is when I decided that it was time to escape the much to crowded church and head for home. But that only made me even more upset! Yes, I was upset with her and quite fed up with the whole situation, but now I was mad at myself. I felt as if I had ran away. I had let her push me around once again and that only added to my dismay!

I have since cooled down and re-folded all of the clean laundry I had previously thrown around the room and have been trying to think of ways to abstract myself from the situation. It was me after all who was dumb enough to get myself involved, so now it is my job to find a way to ignore my feelings of frustration. From today on I am going to try my hardest to be less involved in the personal affairs of my friends and focus on my own life's dilemmas.

A Sign! A Sign! A Very Positive Sign!

Forgive me, but I must post another track post my dear blog folk. But don't run away screaming just yet, this post involves a funny story! :)

Track is such an individual sport that I think sometimes people forget that it is also about teamwork as well. We sweat together, we complain about our sore muscles together and we train together to try and reach our full potential both as individuals and as a team. With the beginning of track also came the beginning of the awful time known as "conditioning" that we all have come to dread! Practice and conditioning was in full swing this fateful friday when my coach counted us off into seven groups of two to do circuits.

One..

Two..

Three..

Four..

Five..

Six..

Seven!

I happened to be one member of group number four, but who was the other?! As I held up my four fingers signaling my number, I quickly spotted my other half! Can you imagine my surprise when I saw that she was the same girl who I had spent all year unsuccessfully trying to avoid?! Yup, the fates had spoken and I was paired with one of my most vocal haters.

One and a half weeks ago, I would have immediately turned my eyes to the ground and kept them there for the rest of our partnership, but things have changed! :) Instead, I decided to be my nicest, most personable self and have a little fun! I chatted away happily the entire time and even gave her a few positive compliments when I watched as she cranked out at least 15 push ups and didn't trip on her jump rope not even once! Sadly, she did not return my enthusiasm, but that is okay because I am proud of myself for not letting her deep scowl and frequent eye rolls intimidate me. I was the bigger person and treated her with kindness and respect and I am so excited to be able to do so! :)

I also gave a girl who I had rarely spoken to a ride home today and found out she is really quite a nice girl! The car ride was short, but in no way awkward. It was mostly small talk of course and I asked her a few questions, but it was nice all the same! :) Hopefully, I can continue to build off this GREAT day!

Hey Stephen I Know Looks Can Be Deceiving…

Taylor Swift is a household name. She has sold over 10 million albums and has won over 15 awards in her short but amazing career. She sings about everything. From breakups and cheating boys, to being a love and then broken hearted. She sings about her family and her dreams and everything else in between! Personally, I love her music. It is my opinion that she sings from her heart and that is why so many like myself have been able to connect with her music! If I am feeling sad and discouraged, I reach for my ipod and listen to her songs and I feel comforted. If I am in a good mood and want to dance around and be silly, I click play on the Taylor! I am going to her concert at the Well in May and I cannot wait! Taylor Swift tickets might have been one of the best birthday presents I have ever gotten! :D

Unfortunately, not everyone shares my love for her music, making Taylor Swift is no stranger to criticism. There was Kanye West and his onstage rant as she claimed her Mtv Moonman and her very vocal critics who declared her to be pitchy, but despite it all she has remained true to herself. Instead of listening to everyone tell her what she can’t achieve, she worked harder and released a second cd. In Swift’s words, “If you’re lucky enough to be different from everybody else… Don’t change to be the same.”

To me Taylor Swift is more than just a singer; she is a role model. Some young stars choose to party their way to rehab and slowly sink their careers, but not Taylor. In a world full of tabloids and gossip and fake tans, Taylor Swift stands out as real. She is a real girl with real problems and a positive outlook.

The heart on my hand :)

Some people are said to wear their hearts on their sleeves, but I wear it on my hand. For as long as I can remember I have been drawing a heart on the back of my hand, specifically the squishy space located between my pointer finger and thumb. Sometimes it is in blue pen, sometimes in red, but usually it is drawn with various pens I come into contact with throughout the day. I have never really thought much of it until today when my good friend Cydney proclaimed, "Katie! What is with you and drawing that heart on your hand everyday?!" and I realized that I didn't have an answer for her. Is it because my heart is "open to love" as they say in the movies? Or is it because I have a lovely boyfriend who makes me smile even when I don't want to. Maybe it's because its just a habit or maybe just maybe it is my subconscious way of expressing how much I want to be loved and accepted by all. All seem like they could be adequate reasons for why I draw that heart everyday... so I have decided to use them all. :)

Ps. I know that this had very little to do with my Quest, but sometimes the trivial things in life should be shared as well. Goodnight! :)

"Track is Wack!"

YES YES YES! I do believe that today I was given a sign. I now KNOW that I am meant to succeed in my self-confidence quest and this is why...

Track began this week! Part of me hates the idea of track, but another part loves the stretch of my muscles and the sound of my heavy breathing. In Out In Out. Track is the one sport that I participate in where my success or failure almost all depends on me. I vary between absolute adoration and total hatred for the sport and the pressure it puts upon me. But because of that pressure, I know what it takes to be the best. In order to succeed at track I have to give it my all. I have to push past the pain and find strength I didn't know I had when it seems as if I am (literally) running on "E". Lastly, I have to keep my eye on the prize.

The things I learn on the track are also really valuable life lessons. When snobby girls are saying hurt full things, I HAVE have to push past the pain their words cause and remember who I am. I cannot let them get the best of me. I have to keep my head held high and find the strength within even when all I want to do is cry and hide under the covers for a few days. Not only does track require me to preform at my best, but I also have to do my best when it comes to my school work, my relationships, and my quest! A gold medal finish is what I strive for when it comes to a meet, but in Life I strive for happiness and in my quest I strive for a greater level of self-confidence.

My hope is that even after my Quest is over, I can use the lessons I have learned from this and past track seasons to remember the things I have learned from my thirty days. I don't, after all, want to lose all the confidence that I have worked so hard to achieve.

City Girl Out of Water?

Yup! Thats Me! Today was a scary, yet exciting and 100% worth it day! My boyfriend of 5 months has lived on a farm his whole life and has been showing cattle since fourth grade. His basement is FULL of trophies and banners and plates all declaring him to be ridiculously good at showing ridiculously in demand cattle. Today I got to go to the first local show of the season and my first cattle show EVER. Plus I was meeting his grandmother for the first time! Can you say exciting yet scary and freak out worthy all at the same time?! I was bouncing off the walls all morning in anticipation and nothing could bring me down! (Thats a pretty big statement for a girl who has self confidence troubles like myself! :)) That mentality lasted the entire morning too! That is until I pulled up to the pavilion where the competition was being held... I walked through the doors and immediately became very aware of just how out of place I was.

While my boyfriend has lived on a farm for all of his 18 years, I have lived in a house located on a lovely street in the middle of my small town for the entirety of my sixteen years of life. While he was washing and caring for cows, I was swinging in the park and playing in my neighbors secret garden like backyard. He knows more about farming than I do about pretty much everything and to be honest, the closest I have been to a cow is when I was forced to milk one in fifth grade at Living History Farms camp. But despite these differences, he is still the best guy I know.

When I showed up in my white jacket and Ugg boots, I felt like a Dalmatian in a tiger den. No one was going to eat me, but I definitely did not blend in. Looking back now though, as I sit on my bedroom floor typing away, I realize that I would rather stand out as myself then blend in. And standing out is exactly what I did. More people looked me up and down then I can remember, but I didn't care what they thought. I was there to see someone very important to me succeed and we all know how much I love that! :)

I think that by putting my own issues aside and focusing on how important this day was to him, I was able to forget how out of place I looked and felt and was able to enjoy the day. I was a little nervous about spending the whole morning with his family without him being there, but I tried my hardest to not let my nerves and fears get in the way. If I had, I would have not had as much fun as I did and I would have regretted not making the most of this completely out of the ordinary experience. His mom was nice enough to give me the play by play through out the competition and his younger brother and cousin keep me laughing all through the show. I even met another Katie B, a pretty awesome name if I do say so myself. :)

Today was definitely a day that I won't forget and it helped me to remember just how lucky I am to be living this life. The boyfriend came in second and I had a pretty great first show ever experience so I am definitely declaring today a total success! Score for the City Girl! :)

Me & My Love Of All Things Quote.

I Like: Cheddar Cheese Pringles. Putting Chapstick on the dry spots of my face. My headbands. My XXXXXXXXXXXXXXL plaid pajama pants. AND... drumroll please.... Quotes! Here are a few Confidence boosters!

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not. ~Anonymous

Your problem is you're... too busy holding onto your unworthiness. ~Ram Dass

The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do. ~Author Unknown

Only as high as I reach can I grow,

Only as far as I seek can I go,

Only as deep as I look can I see,

Only as much as I dream can I be.

~Karen Ravn

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

~Marilyn Monroe

Going for Gold!

I love the Olympics. Every two years when they come around I countdown the days until they begin. When the competitions FINALLY begin, I get a permanent excited feeling in my tummy that lasts for the whole two weeks of competition! In truth the Opening Ceremony and all of it's double meaning scenes tend to bore me a little and at times much too deep for me, but I am excited none the less! Why do I love the Olympics so much you ask? Its because I love watching people succeed. Two years ago during the summer Olympics, my best friend and I made tee shirts dedicated to Michael Phelps just so we could wear them while eating in laffy taffy in her basement and freaking out as we watched the tv. Would you like a more recent example? Look no further than Men's ice skating winner Evan Lysacek. He hadn't even won his gold medal yet, but when he finished his performance and was so excited and proud of himself I almost cried. Athletes like that have worked sooooo hard and sacrificed so much to make their dreams come true, and I can't help smiling and getting much too excited when all those dreams finally become reality!

For Shawn White, his unveiling of the Double McTwist was a truly amazing moment for him but what was even cooler was what he said afterwards. When asked about the progression of snowboarding and his new medal, he responded like this, "With every sport I feel theres risks. Even driving, you can risk accidents in any situation of life, I dont really think about it too much when I'm riding, obviously, you have to have so much confidence to do this stuff..." He went on to really answer the question, but what I really found important was his mention of confidence. It goes to show that you can practice 12 hours a day and be the healthiest person on the planet, but if you don't have CONFIDENCE in your abilities and yourself than you can't accomplish great things in life.

Its strange how one little sound bite made me realize how important this quest is to me, but it truly did. I want to go to college and major in communications so that I can be a writer and interact with people, but I won't be able to succeed and be truly happy with myself if I don't have faith in my abilities and don't love myself for everything I am and everything I am not.

I think it is important to remember that through this Quest I am striving to become more confident and proud of who I am. To do this I must forget what the "haters" think and say and focus on how I see myself. Everyone has critics, even snowboarding god Shawn White and gold medalist Evan Lysacek, but the people who make their dreams come true and do great things are those who respectfully say "I don't care what you say" and continue to stay who they are no matter what. On a larger scale, I think of Martin Luther King Jr. What if he had let people's opinions and harsh words bring him down? He might never have started and led the Civil Rights Movement! I mentioned earlier in this post that I loved seeing people succeed. I have come to the conclusion, that its my turn now. :)

Hi! Im Saying No To Drama :)

Well hello there my dear blog folk! Today was a lot of things: nerve-wracking, exciting, stressful, fun, joyful but it definitely was not boring. My day started at 6 am, the crack of dawn if you ask my opinion, with a frenzy. After a quick shower I plunged straight into cheerleader mode. Two quick pep rally's and we were on the road to Wells Fargo Arena. The cheer van was bubbling over with excitement because today was day one of the state wrestling tournament and we had two boys set to wrestle! Imagine a very very large room full of exuberant parents, intense boys wearing sweatpants up past their belly buttons and a bunch of squealing cheerleaders who smell of hairspray and face powder. Needless to say, I LOVED that room. I couldn't help but get wrapped up in the excitement of it all! Especially when it came time to cross our legs and sit along the side of the mat. In six short minutes we would know who was victorious and who was going home with a heart full of disappointment and that is one excitingly scary sensation that I will never get totally used to. It turned out that both our boys came out on top with their hand held high in the air! I know that us cheerleaders had nothing to do with the tossing and scrambling going on out on the mat, but when both of our wrestlers came off the mat smiling I know we all felt just as excited as they were!

Today was also a challenge. In an arena full of pretty girls it was not easy to remember how beautiful I felt that morning when I took that one last final look into the mirror prior to my departure from home but when I decided to undertake this quest I promised myself I wouldn't let the opinions of others affect me any longer so I did my very best to not let my confidence be brought down. I tried to let the looks I received roll off my shoulders and I am happy to say that after a few minutes of struggling, they finally disappeared for good! It was a victory of my very own in a room full of a much different sort of wins and losses.

I know it is only day three of my quest, but already I have to alter my rules. I am sad to see it go, but rule five is no longer. Last night I logged onto my facebook account with a huge smile only to have it be replaced with tears a few minutes later. I had been tagged in a status and the comments that it hosted were really hurtful. I had such a good day and had maintained my confidence all day only to have it plummet to the ground because of 3 or 4 people who obviously are not the people I need in my life and that was not fair!

During the Ash Wednesday service at my church I had the greatest idea! I would give up facebook for Lent! Not only would my grades improve due to the more time focussed on my studies, but so would my confidence! I will definitely miss the silly wall posts and hilarious statuses shared between me and my (REAL) friends, but its worth it. I haven't solved my self confidence problems of course, but I feel like I have made a big step in the right direction! :)

Ps. I found two songs yesterday that really helped me remember my mission and why it was so important I succeed. Below are the lyrics that I really found comfort in! :) (Thanks go out to Mp3Lyrics.org & Lyricstime.com!)

"Riptide" by Sick Puppies

You all hate your children
They're too fat to feed
you're on medication
Taking pills to sleep
I think I'm doing just fine
Compared to what you've been doing
I won't get vaccinated
Insurance costs too much
You think you're so persuasive
But I'm not giving up
Saving my life
it's not what you're doing

I, I won't justify
The way I live my life
'Cause I'm the one livin' it
Feelin' it, tastin' it
And you're just wasting your time
Trying to throw me a line
When you're the one drowning
I like where I'm at on my back
Floating down in my own riptide
The water is fine

I like to step on cracks
I go against the odds
You think my world is flat
Do I turn you on?
Maybe, yeah I'm wrong
But I like where I'm going

I leave when others stay
I never re-decide
I don't mind if you wait
But I don't waste my time
Crazy is just fine
'Cause I like where I'm going

I, I won't justify
The way I live my life
'Cause I'm the one livin' it
Feelin' it, tastin' it
And you're just wasting your time
Trying to throw me a line
When you're the one drowning
I like where I'm at on my back
Floating down in my own riptide
The water is fine

I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when it wasn't so hard
I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when, I remember when

I, I didn't have to justify
The way I live my life
'Cause I'm the one livin' it
Feelin' it, tastin' it
And you're just wasting your time
Trying to throw me a line
When you're the one drowning
I like where I'm at on my back
Floating down in my own riptide
The water is fine

I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when it wasn't so hard
I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when, I remember when

& "Odd One" by Sick Puppies as well.

Odd one, you're never alone
I'm here and I will reflect you
Both of us basically unattached
To anything or anyone unless we're pretending
You live your life in your head
Some call it imagination
I'd rather focus instead on anything except
What I'm feeling
What I'm feeling
Odd one...

Hey, it's gonna be okay
Hey, we're gonna laugh at this one day

Odd one, I wish I was you
You're never concerned with acceptance
We are all desperately seeking out, a
And fitting with anyone
Who will accept us
But not you, odd one

Hey, it's gonna be okay
Hey, we're gonna laugh at this one day

Hey, it's gonna be okay
Hey, gonna laugh at this one day

Hey, it's gonna be okay
Hey, we're gonna laugh at this one day

Don't let someone tell you you're no-one
Don't let someone tell you you're no-one
Odd one...

How Much Is TOO Much?

Heidi Montag was once a reality television star and has often been seen in the gossip magazines for one publicity stunt or another, but now she is making headlines for an entirely different reason. After undergoing TEN cosmetic surgeries in ONE day, she unveiled her new look this winter. She proudly declared on several entertainment shows that she has her has She had her breast implants increased to DDDs, a brow lift, a nose job revision, liposuction on her stomach and thighs AND a butt augmentation plus more!

After hearing about Heidi’s drastic changes, I couldn’t help but ask myself how much is too much. Every week a new magazine arrives in my family’s mailbox displaying beautiful people on every glossy page and I wonder how much of it is real. It seems like Hollywood no longer sends out positive images to the masses as actresses like Audry Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe had before. There are so many young girls who read those magazines who then aspire to be and look like the women and they see. And although the cover girls are beautiful and hopefully have the best intentions, they are still sending out a negative image just by fitting into the Hollywood standard of beauty.

I believe that beauty isn’t about what size you are and the color of your hair, it’s about what lies on the inside. Even so, I admit to attending the gym at least 3 times a week and stressing about my thighs and hips. I want to love my body, but I have been taught to love a size 0… Not a size 4.

In Heidi’s case, she says, “I was made fun of when I was younger, and so I had insecurities, especially after I moved to L.A. People said I had a "Jay Leno chin"; they'd circle it on blogs and say nasty things. It bothered me. And when I watched myself on The Hills, my ears would be sticking out like Dumbo! I just wanted to feel more confident and look in the mirror and be like, "Whoa! That's me!" I was an ugly duckling before.” Personally, I thought she was beautiful before!

I guess it all comes down to doing what ever you need to do to feel beautiful, but maybe it would be a lot less of an uphill battle if there were not so many images out there constantly telling you that what you are is not.

The NEW Rules!

I have created six very important rules to help guide me along the way. They are as follows:

1. I need to learn at least one thing from everyone I talk to & not cast my own (hypocritical) judgments against what I learn.

2. There is NO giving up allowed. If the conversation is lagging or moving towards an immediate end right after the first “Hi!” or “Hello!” or “How are you today?” I still cannot walk away!

3. I am not allowed to ask questions or lead the conversation in a very personal or uncomfortable direction. This rule is a given. If they want to offer up very personal things I shall be there to listen but I will not ask questions to lead them up to that personal confession.

4. I must always keep gum in my backpack or purse. No one wants to talk to a girl with smelly after-lunch breath.

5. Lastly, and I think this is the most important rule, just because some people might not respond the way I would like them to, I can not blame myself. Some people just weren’t meant to communicate or get along and that is not my fault!

Last week I submitted my Quest Proposal Essay. It contained 6 rules instead of the 5 mentioned above. Unfortunately, I had to delete my original 5th rule. It stated that I would use the social networking site Facebook to maintain my 3-a-day goal on the weekends. After a bad experience I decided to give up Facebook for the 40 days & 40 nights of Lent! I am not quite sure how I will be able to maintain my goal, but I'll do my best to stay true to my Quest no matter what day of the week it is! :)

Day One is No Fun

Day one of my quest is off to a rocky start ladies and gentlemen. I managed to catch a cold this weekend and now my head is incapable of forming real thoughts or doing anything more strenuous than telling me that it is time to find a tissue. This lack of brain function is making it really hard to find any motivation to talk to anybody at all let alone start a conversation with someone who might possibly give me a dirty look (or eight) before walking away. What bad timing my immune system has!

My cheerleading coach insisted we all wear our uniforms today even though it is snowing and freezing outside. People with colds need hot coco, not skimpy skirts. Sadly, my uniform is not helping my health or my attempts at starting off my quest in a great way. For those of you who have never worn a cheerleading uniforms I feel that it is my job to inform you of a few small facts: a) they are not as comfortable as they appear and b) they attract teenage boys and/ or creepy old men while repelling everyone else. Maybe it is because the snotty stuck up attitude that has long been linked with cheerleaders is even more unfairly assumed when the actual cheerleading uniform is on. But as I mentioned before, it is a truly unfair assumption to believe that all cheerleaders are stuck up and snotty. I am a cheerleader and although I am a bit grumpy due to feeling quite crummy in no way am I stuck up. As I have said, I care what people think TOO MUCH and I find it really hurtful that people assume the worst.

Despite all my setbacks today, I really did complete day one of the quest much to my surprise. At school I stood up for my self and my fellow cheerleaders when a girl decided it would be fun to loudly comment on the length of our skirts. I surprised both my self and the girl when I turned around and very confidently said, “I’m sorry if the length of my skirt offends you but I can’t control how tall I am or how long my legs are. Plus I would rather have you be looking at my face rather than my buttocks anyways.” She then changed the subject and chose someone else to pick on. All in all, day 1 of my quest was a success despite my health. YAY! :)

"It’s not you who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you're not"

"It’s not you who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you're not," said by anonymous, is the quote of my high school career. I am the girl who can talk to a random stranger about how much I love their jeans and have a new friend by the time the conversation is over. Unfortunately, I am also the same girl who is so afraid that people will cast judgment on me that I can hardly talk to the same people I have gone to school with for eleven years of my life. In my own self-deprecating opinion, that is no longer okay. For the next thirty days I will embark on a quest to talk to at least three classmates or acquaintances everyday. I will talk to those who scare me, those who have previously criticized me, and those who just seem unfriendly in every single way. To top it all off, I will do it with my head held high and a smile on my face.

With my past in the rear view mirror, I think it is time to move on to the now of my life. I am a junior in a relatively small high school. I am a varsity cheerleader with a respectful grade point average. I like watching movies with my friends, proudly showing off my quite extensive headband collection, and I could eat banana bread & cheesy snack mix till I feel as if I will explode! But some days I feel as if something majorly important is missing within me. That missing link is my self-confidence. Unfortunately, it comes and goes as it pleases with random unsuspected departures. Some days I feel as if I could carry on a conversation with a squirrel and never run out of things to say but then on others, Poof! I have nothing but my own uninteresting thoughts swirling around in that head of mine. The inconsistency of it all is a pain to deal with. It can make transform me from the life of the party to the wall-flower in one swift change and I am far to fun loving to have to deal with that any longer. That is why I am ready to undertake this quest of mine and come out of it a better and more confident person who knows that no matter where I am or who is around I will be able to my happiest and my best.

For the longest time I could not figure out why my self-confidence issues came and left as frequently as they did. It was like a never-ending cycle of self-doubt and I had no idea how to finally bring the cycle to a decisive stop. After a few tear filled nights, I have come to one almost too simple conclusion: I like myself for who I am until someone else comes around and tells me that THEY do not. The answer was so simple and I had been looking right at it in every classroom and every crowded gym I had ever stepped foot in. The answer lies within my peers. It is THEIR disproval and THEIR judgmental stares and comments that make me feel like who I am is not good enough. I am a smart enough girl to realize that I can’t lay all the blame upon my undeserving peers. They may have been the ones to cast their judgments in the first place, but it is I who is lacking the strength to not let their toxic thoughts affect me. Everyone has a right to their own opinions, but that does not mean I have to agree with them.